I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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