Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
