The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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