you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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