Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
