I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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