Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life