batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
even my farts smell like vagina
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.