My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.