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there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just pynch a tree in the face
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
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