It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
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All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right