yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
