ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.

  Fav 20 6080 944

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.

  Fav 17 4325 1351

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (614): View more from Ohio

  Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"

  Fav 20 4226 4873

  share tweet
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Fav 62 20287 2139

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

  Fav 11 6043 1640

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.

  Fav 4 3185 1184

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (713): View more from Texas

  Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.

  Fav 4 4928 1189

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.

  Fav 16 3432 1591

  share tweet
  

• (713): View more from Texas

  Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.

  Fav 8 4651 2172

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?

  (727): View more from Florida

  Only if you say it like that.

  Fav 5 1979 934

  share tweet
  

• (337): View more from Louisiana

  I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun

  Fav 0 1417 913

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (217): View more from Illinois

  sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.

  Fav 4 1694 890

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house

  Fav 2 1364 703

  share tweet
  

• (620): View more from Kansas

  It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?

  Fav 1 1240 607

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.

  Fav 4 633 378

  share tweet
  

Randomize