im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't deserve a penis
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....