I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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