Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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