'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
