Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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