I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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