Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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