I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
