Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
