she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
