im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
