she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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