I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
