If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
