and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
