Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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