I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
