dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sext me about skeletons
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
