Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
