butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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