i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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