he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize