1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
50% drunk capacity currently
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
