When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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