I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
