The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
