I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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