At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
