I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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