Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
