Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
