The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
