i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize