The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's the barista slut.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
