sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
