a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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