apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
