well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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