i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
