"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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