I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
