is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
