I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
