Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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