do herpes really smell.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
