This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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