You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
