I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
