I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize