ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
