Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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