Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
