My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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