enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
