You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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