hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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