sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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