He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My dick has a subreddit
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
