did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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