So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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