see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm always down for nudity.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
