my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
