Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
