sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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