i always forget guys have bellybuttons
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
