Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
