he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
